So this is it. After 7 seasons of crazy action, plot twists, gruesome deaths, partnerships, and double crossing, we get 6 episodes to put a bow on this thing. If you have made it this far you are going crazy each week waiting for the new episode to see who dies and who moves closer to the Iron Throne. With a limited 6 episodes we expect each one to delivery action, tie up loose ends, and kill main characters. I only see it fitting that I do a shirt an episode to mark the best, funniest, wildest, or most shocking moment(s) of each week. Can I crank out a shirt an episode??? Maybe......
Episode 1: Winterfellki
First off after this long ass layoff I wanted a main character to die in the first 5 minutes. Like let's get it poppin!!!! Alas they gave us a setup/reunion episode. All the people that fell out or had not seen each other in a while or needed to meet had their time to talk and exchange distrustful sassy stares. To me, this shit was boring. But fine, waste an episode setting the table, I get it. So what were the moments I had to choose from to make a shirt? As I saw it there were only really two moments that were shirt worthy.
Sam tells Jon he is not a bastard and that he is actually rightful heir to the throne. Or, Bran waiting on an old friend, and boom Jaime walks in. While Bran sitting there for what seem to be hours just anticipating Pushy Lannister to waltz his raggedy ass on into Winterfell was perhaps my favorite moment it wasn't the biggest. Jon finding out his true birthright won the day, which then he had to think, damn it, that mean's I'm related to her. After doing the family tree thing you realize that's Jon's aunt and well this was the first thing to pop into my mind (pic of shirt). For those of you who were under a rock this is a quote from Black Panther. Erik Killmonger showing up to drop a turd in the Wakandan Vibranium Punch bowl and letting everyone know he's family, Heeey Auntie, and has a right to challenge for the throne. Throne rights, aunties, it all fit too well.
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Ok so we have the table set. We waited a week. We needed more. The second episode was better than the first in my opinion. Still no real action, but I don't know, things were more interesting and some loose ends got tied up. A lot of stuff to choose from here. It's 2am as I type this so bare with me hopping all over the episode, but there were several shirt worthy moments.
Arya gets busy with Gendry. I'll be honest, I still see her as a little kid so this was kinda creepy to me. However I guess she is old enough and she wasn't going to fight the white walkers and possibly die a virgin so yeah she got it in. I like how she punked him right before though, oh you been keeping count, how many times you swing that hammer big boy don't lie. Ned is rolling over in the crypt at his baby girl getting it on in the castle.
Jaime and Bran squash the beef. Damn all that, you push me out a window I'm in the court snitchin like Big Head Rico from Belly. Eating a banana , perm on fleek:
Peep how Jaime was like aight we good for now, but er um, you ain't gonna tell after the war right??
Brienne gets knighted. Awwwww wasn't that sweet. She stood up for Jaime, then he was all open and vulnerable with her like man I can't fight but I'll follow your command, then he knights her. A night moment for the two of them.
However none of that was as good as my guy Tormund turning up. From "Is the Big Woman Still Here" to his 40 oz horn of ale, to his pitching woo to Brianne, right on down to the story of how he got his name. I killed a giant then suckled his wife's breast for 3 months. What happened at the end of month 3 though?? That's a long time to be missing, like didn't his parent's wonder where their son was?? Westeros Child Protective Services ain't shit. I don't care what no one says this was Tormund's episode.
Episode 3: The Long Night
Wooooooooooo Ok so there is really nothing to say other than : ARYA MF'n STARK!!! so the funny thing is a few days before the episode I read some where that she regrets playing the character left handed because she is not left handed but in the books Arya was. But boy, when she needed to go right she did didn't she. So this one was a no brainer, she has been kicking ass and taking names, or taking names and kicking ass for a long time. It's been all over the 7 kingdoms. The only question that remains is will she get another tour date in King's Landing perhaps??
I happened to catch Avengers End Game this weekend also and well, Arya was better so she gets two shirts. I love you 3000 Arya.
Cue up the slow singing and flowering bringing for my man Night King one time. I just wanna know how you blow a lead like that. Arya was like the Cubs coming back from 3-1. I honestly thought this cat was going to do more damage I'm disappointed in Tyrone.
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Sansa just like her mama and gonna do what she wanna do !!! Ain't keep that secret but a hot minute. Anyway, while everyone at Winterfell was celebrating , drinking, having sex, proposing right before they rode south we forgot what was waiting on them. The new power couple in Westeros!!! That's right and apparently they were ready. Shooting down Dragons. Choppin heads. Next week, guaranteed to be a mess.
Bonus Tee: Cersei is about to get everything she can handle and apparently she can't seem to find a single fuck in the red keep. Let's go!!!
Episode 5: The Bells
Wait....was I supposed to stop when I hear the bells or go????? Tyrion told her Stop No Don't, all she heard was No, Don't Stop!!! I really like this joint....I'm sure the internet will steal it but I created it 5/13/19 at 2:22 am. This is actually Juvi 400 degrees hot. Welp next week she gotta die right?? I mean right???
EPISODE 6: The Iron Throne
Bran the Broken?? WTF. First off I feel like no matter how many battles they fight the Dothraki just keep rejuvenating some how. Cersei and Jaime weren't completely buried? So they just stood in an unlucky spot?? They turned Grey Worm, the only black guy on the show, into a bad cop?? Arya, just going sailing...that's her ending...killer to sailor??? Did Jon tell on himself?? It was just him and Drogon in the room, how they know he killed her? She went out for a min she be right back, i'mma rule until see come back. Bran a hoe as lil brother, he sent Job back to the wall WTF WHO MANS IS THIS?? I want my 8 years back.